break the traditional romantic comedy mold , Jo Piazza ’s hilarious unveiling novelLove Rehab : A Novel in Twelve Stepsstarts with the breakup . And like many a Kelly Clarkson song , this summertime read is inspire by all the crazy things we do in the name of honey , and its closing . Inspired by her al-Qur’an , Jo assembled this list of material - biography break - ups so grievous , they move down in history .
1. When Theseus abandoned Ariadne
Back in the ancient days of yore , Ariadne ’s father , the Cretan King Minos , put her in charge of his most prized self-control — his maze . Ariadne develop a crush on the Athenian zep Theseus and give him a yarn to avail him observe his style out of the deathly maze to defeat the beastly Minotaur .
Theseus was thankful , but not grateful enough . He laterabandoned Ariadnewhile she slumber on the island of Naxos . Talk about leaving a girl out in the frigidity .
2. When Julius Caesar broke up with Cossutia
Back when Julius Caesar was still an up - and - coming military man , he was pursue to a modest young lass bring up Cossutia . Historical accounts disagree as to whether the duo really made it official and bond the knot , but what is known is that Caesarended the relationshipto forge a brotherhood better suited to his upwardly mobile agenda and at long last married the politically well - link Cornelia Cinnilla , who helped him launch his career as a Roman ruler .
3. When Henry VIII beheaded Anne Boleyn
The ever - erratic King Henry VIII ground it difficult to ditch his wife of three years , Anne Boleyn , when she was unable to bear him a boy . He had already become infatuate with Anne ’s second cousin-german Jane Seymour . Instead of changing church law to rid himself of his undesirable wife , Hank trumped up treason charge andhad Anne decapitate . You could say that is fairly big than being dumped by Post - it .
4. When Abraham Lincoln un-proposed to Mary Owens
Long before he became Chief Executive and before he foregather the spunky Mary Todd , untried attorney Abraham Lincoln found himself in a bristly situation with a Kentucky cleaning woman key Mary Owens . Mary ’s sister Elizabeth had been trying to hook up the pair , despite the fact that they had never meet . Lincoln , ever the joker , told the meddling sib that he would marry Mary if she moved to Illinois .
He sent a series of letter to Mary toconvince herthat she wanted nothing to do with him or Illinois - living : “ You have not been accustomed to hardship , and it may be more knockout than you now think , ” he wrote .
It might have been easy to avoid proposing ( even in jocularity ) in the first position .
5. When Wallis Simpson dumped Ernest Aldrich Simpson
The transportation tycoon Simpson bequeath his first wife to marry the socialite Wallis Spencer . The businessman should n’t have been surprised , then , when Wallis stepped out herself and begin an affair with Edward the Prince of Wales . Wallis eventuallyleft her husbandfor Edward , forcing him to take between the crown and his lady . He excellently renounce his throne on her behalf and the pair spent the rest of their lives being very rich together at fabulous parties around the globe .
6. When Matt Damon left Minnie Driver
Damon and Driver , co - stars in the star - making “ Good Will Hunting , ” had been seeing each other for seven month when Boston - bred Damon took to Oprah ’s couch to secern her national interview thathe was single . The newsworthiness came as a complete surprisal to Driver , who became the medium ’s poster girl for bad breakups — until Jennifer Aniston stole her boom .
7. When Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston
The most lucrative celebrity rip in the story of renown splits is none other than the betray North of America ’s peach and the sexiest human alive , Brad Pitt .
The thoroughgoing tabloid violent storm kicked off in 2005 when Pitt ditched Aniston for the sultry Angelina Jolie . The daughter of actor Jon Voight and model Marcheline Bertrand , Jolie was the anti - Aniston . She had attended her first nuptials , to British doer Jonny Lee Miller , in black caoutchouc boots and a white t - shirt decorated with the groom ’s name written in her stemma , while thousands of women across the U.S. were inquire their hairdressers to give them layers like their favoriteFriend ’s .
Jolie and Pitt met while filmingMr . and Mrs. Smith , and rumors of their on - go down affair proved true when Aniston file for divorcement from Pitt in March of 2005 . One month later , Peter Grossman , photo editor program ofUS Weeklymagazine , pay $ 500,000 for paparazzi video of Pitt and Jolie cavort on a beach in Kenya with Jolie ’s young Word Maddox . In January 2006 , Jolie announced that she was pregnant with Pitt ’s child . The paychecks for image would only get bigger .
8. Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren
Little did former nanny ferment mom of two Elin Nordegren have intercourse , when sheattacked her linksman husband Tiger Woods with a golf club , that it would become the married spat heard round the world . It was soon revealed that Woods had cheated on the beautiful Swede withat least ten mistresses . Maybe she should have used the 9 - branding iron .
Jo Piazza is the generator of Love Rehab : A Novel in 12 Steps . you’re able to get the bookhere .
