A Great Big Worldsinger Ian Axel thought for years that his battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder was one he’d have to fight on his own.But the realization that he wasn’t alone in his mental health struggles was a pivotal turning point in the singer’s life — and now, through his music, he’s hoping to reach others dealing with similar things.Axel, 36, puts his deepest fears on display in the emotional new ballad “Save Me from Myself,” which features on A Great Big World’s new albumParticles, and for which PEOPLE is exclusively premiering the video.“Writing songs has always been a form of therapy for me. I feel so grateful that I have this as an outlet,” he tells PEOPLE. “It’s been a way for me to process and come to terms with things in my life. But also to be able to encapsulate a feeling or experience into a song and perform it… it’s a major relief and a huge release.“RELATED VIDEO: John Green Opens Up About His Struggle with OCDThe “Say Something” singer was officially diagnosed withOCD— in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts or behaviors that they feel the urge to repeat over and over — about five years ago, though the earliest indications that something wasn’t quite right stretch back to childhood.“I just filed it away as, ‘Oh, this must be anxiety,’ or, ‘This is completely normal,'” he recalls. “The earliest manifestations for me as a kid were nighttime rituals before bed, or being uncomfortable if things weren’t orderly or symmetrical, or even facial twitches that if I didn’t do, I was convinced something bad would happen. Things like that, but it was mostly manageable.“As he got older, Axel’s ability to manage his impulses faded, and soon, it had turned into “a monster of sorts.““At its worst, every moment of me being awake felt like complete hell,” he says. “It interfered with everything, from my work and my relationships, to basic things like eating and sleeping. I would come home at night just so gripped with fear that something bad was or was about to happen, or that something I did would have inadvertently caused harm to somebody else.“Ian Axel.Andrew ZaehFor a long time, Axel was clueless as to the cause of his intrusive thoughts, and says that fear that itwasn’tactually OCD but something far worse kept him from seeking help.“I held out too long because I was trying to be tough, and because frankly, I was afraid that it wasn’t OCD… that there was just something so terribly wrong with me and I was an awful person for it. And before I knew it, I felt completely out of control,” he says.While OCD takes many different shapes from person to person, Axel’s follows a theme of responsibility, meaning he feels accountable for the well-being of others, including strangers he’s never met.Ian Axel.JuankrHe explains the feeling as being “a prisoner in my mind, caught in an endless cycle of thought-loops of worst-case scenarios, trying desperately to work my way out.“Axel describes the illness as “lonely and quiet,” and says that seeking help was difficult, as it meant having to be open and honest with a therapist about thoughts he considered horrifying and embarrassing.“I feel terrible saying this, because my life and everything in it was and still is a dream. But that’s the irony of OCD for me,” he says. “The better things are, the more I have to lose, and the more opportunity for unwanted thoughts to take hold. I realized that if was going to be the best husband, father, friend and artist… the best version of me, I needed help.“Eventually, through treatment involving cognitive behavioral therapy, medicine and healthier life habits when it comes to sleeping, exercising and meditating, Axel was able to come to terms with his OCD.Also helpful has been pouring himself into his work, including “Save Me from Myself,” the first time he has addressed his situation through music.In sharing the song with the world, Axel says he is hopeful that its lyrics will connect with others going through similar things.“I hope that others can feel that they are not alone in their minds. That there are others going through something similar and it has a name. Whether it’s OCD, or another mental illness, that there is help… lots of it,” he says. “There is light even during the darkest times, even when a path forward seems impossible.”
A Great Big Worldsinger Ian Axel thought for years that his battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder was one he’d have to fight on his own.
But the realization that he wasn’t alone in his mental health struggles was a pivotal turning point in the singer’s life — and now, through his music, he’s hoping to reach others dealing with similar things.
Axel, 36, puts his deepest fears on display in the emotional new ballad “Save Me from Myself,” which features on A Great Big World’s new albumParticles, and for which PEOPLE is exclusively premiering the video.
“Writing songs has always been a form of therapy for me. I feel so grateful that I have this as an outlet,” he tells PEOPLE. “It’s been a way for me to process and come to terms with things in my life. But also to be able to encapsulate a feeling or experience into a song and perform it… it’s a major relief and a huge release.”
RELATED VIDEO: John Green Opens Up About His Struggle with OCD
The “Say Something” singer was officially diagnosed withOCD— in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts or behaviors that they feel the urge to repeat over and over — about five years ago, though the earliest indications that something wasn’t quite right stretch back to childhood.
“I just filed it away as, ‘Oh, this must be anxiety,’ or, ‘This is completely normal,'” he recalls. “The earliest manifestations for me as a kid were nighttime rituals before bed, or being uncomfortable if things weren’t orderly or symmetrical, or even facial twitches that if I didn’t do, I was convinced something bad would happen. Things like that, but it was mostly manageable.”
As he got older, Axel’s ability to manage his impulses faded, and soon, it had turned into “a monster of sorts.”
“At its worst, every moment of me being awake felt like complete hell,” he says. “It interfered with everything, from my work and my relationships, to basic things like eating and sleeping. I would come home at night just so gripped with fear that something bad was or was about to happen, or that something I did would have inadvertently caused harm to somebody else.”
Ian Axel.Andrew Zaeh
For a long time, Axel was clueless as to the cause of his intrusive thoughts, and says that fear that itwasn’tactually OCD but something far worse kept him from seeking help.
“I held out too long because I was trying to be tough, and because frankly, I was afraid that it wasn’t OCD… that there was just something so terribly wrong with me and I was an awful person for it. And before I knew it, I felt completely out of control,” he says.
While OCD takes many different shapes from person to person, Axel’s follows a theme of responsibility, meaning he feels accountable for the well-being of others, including strangers he’s never met.
Ian Axel.Juankr
He explains the feeling as being “a prisoner in my mind, caught in an endless cycle of thought-loops of worst-case scenarios, trying desperately to work my way out.”
Axel describes the illness as “lonely and quiet,” and says that seeking help was difficult, as it meant having to be open and honest with a therapist about thoughts he considered horrifying and embarrassing.
“I feel terrible saying this, because my life and everything in it was and still is a dream. But that’s the irony of OCD for me,” he says. “The better things are, the more I have to lose, and the more opportunity for unwanted thoughts to take hold. I realized that if was going to be the best husband, father, friend and artist… the best version of me, I needed help.”
Eventually, through treatment involving cognitive behavioral therapy, medicine and healthier life habits when it comes to sleeping, exercising and meditating, Axel was able to come to terms with his OCD.
Also helpful has been pouring himself into his work, including “Save Me from Myself,” the first time he has addressed his situation through music.
In sharing the song with the world, Axel says he is hopeful that its lyrics will connect with others going through similar things.
“I hope that others can feel that they are not alone in their minds. That there are others going through something similar and it has a name. Whether it’s OCD, or another mental illness, that there is help… lots of it,” he says. “There is light even during the darkest times, even when a path forward seems impossible.”
source: people.com
