And sometimes a nametag . We help io9ers plan their succeeding careers by taking a look at the most serious jobs in comics . Which jobs are just too risky to seriously consider and which 1 are like facing a firing team ?
“ gun are n’t licit ; nooses give ; natural gas smells awful . So you might as well live . ”
– Dorothy Parker
Dorothy , you did n’t live in funnies - land . In this humanity , actively assay your death is n’t just a great elbow room to have an dangerous undertaking . Under the correct circumstances , it could be profitable . Within the Page of our favorite floppies rest a thousand jobs that can serve you shuffle off this mortal curlicue at a becoming pace per hr . Today I take a face at self-destruction - by - job - coating .
Asylum or Prison Guard :
First of all , I have to ask ; what kind of individual in reality consider this job ? Just applying should be priming coat for an treatment . Doctors at an insane asylum might be part of a hostage position or a tense tie-up - off with the inpatient , but guards are just there to make the inmates look intimidating by being ripped apart as they helplessly endeavor to protect the doctor .
Mostly the prison house or asylum guard in comics are jerks , specially if a hero is temporarily locked up . This is an attempt by the author to make their horrifically gory deaths less tragic . Within the story , though , I think the reader can face at this behavior as part of a ego - destructive bicycle , and take ruth on the characters . Not that that will make a remainder .
welfare of the Job : Not many . I assume that asylum guard are given astoundingly good lifetime insurance . If a guard survives for a year , it ’s potential that they could quit and save a well - selling memoir . asylum in comics being what they are , though , it will probably only pass to them and their new prize married woman getting mangle by an escaped inmate . The only potential plus these line offer is the power to always have interesting stories .
Survival Strategy : None . None whatsoever . It ’s over .
Amusement Park Worker :
Put on the mouse costume . What can bechance at Happy Fun , Safe Fun , Fun For All Ages , Fun World ?
lease us remember that many masses ’s definition of playfulness differ wide from our own . What might seem like playfulness for the hundreds of deranged malefactor who , for some reason , flock to amusement parks like seagulls flock to an revoke hot - hound go-cart , is not go away to be fun for everyone .
Benefits of the Job : I guess they ’ll let you twit the roller coasters for free .
Survival Strategy : Be out before dark . The criminally harebrained only go to amusement parks when it is dark . As presently as the sun touches the horizon , dash for the car . Just be certain to check the back seat and the trunk .
Bank Manager :
It ’s a desk job . It ’s mid - level , signify no unmediated contact ( like the narrator ) and no targeting ( like the coin bank president ) . Seems like a secure - ish stake .
Seems improper .
In comedian , Bank Manager should be amended to read Bank Manager / Hostage Crisis Negotiator , because whenever a criminal takes over a bank , the misfortunate shmuck of a manager is brought on to stammer out the malefactor ’s need through a walkie - talking picture . Suddenly the requirements for that desk job go from crunching number to give SWAT squad grooming . And when talks gain a rip , which in comics they always do , it ’s much more dramatic to murder the person talking than it is to photograph someone fawn in the background .
benefit of the Job : Good salary , unlike the prison house guards . get to sit down , again unlike the prison house precaution . comparatively long ledge life , again unlike the guards . Also , I calculate if the banking company manager were crafty enough , they could manage to get a room in the banking company filled with gilded coins and tunnel through them like Scrooge McDuck . At least , that ’s what I would do .
Survival Strategy : start the vault and trial , my Quaker . reach the vault and campaign .
Research Scientist :
Know what ? I do n’t even have to pretend none of us have thought about the decease rate for inquiry scientists in comics . Getting catch up with in an experiment gone awry , being betrayed by a partner , or just being murdered by some crime boss for plan specs , anything and everything kills research scientists . I ’m forced to assume that in comics it only takes a mellow school sheepskin to become a research scientist , because if it take ten years of discipline , there ’s no way they could keep the posture filled .
Benefits of the Job : Unlike realness , comic book research projects always work , even if they ’re being done by some nonstarter in a basement . The more strip down the lab , the skillful they crop . The crazier and more far - hit they are , the good they work . In comic , it is potential to construct a time auto out of toothpicks .
More importantly , alternatively of being generic carom fodder , like other jobs , research scientist often get coolheaded powers out of their ruin experiments . Sadly , this generally gain them turn evil .
Survival Strategy : Turn evil . What has goodness ever done for anyone ? Oh sure , work evil is generally fancy as the death of the victim ‘ self ’ . Other characters often talk about how the respectable character is ‘ gone ’ or ‘ dead ’ , with sad feel on their cheek . But what is expiry ? Let ’s liken turning into a many - gird supervillain with idiotic non - laser - made sunglass to getting rip to pieces by a crocodile man .
I think we have a cleared victor .
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