Greatest Epic Of All Time: Robot Centaurs, Golden Bustiers And Rock-Throwing Interplanetary Travel

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Could 1983 ’s Hercules be the gross moving-picture show ? look at the evidence : It stars Lou “ Incredible Hulk ” Ferrigno . He fights golem centaurs , travels to other planet by throwing a big rock tied to a chariot , and grapples with a bear .

Did the clip above not win you over ? Here ’s Herc battle automaton Centaur :

Thanks to reader Dan Hope , who sent us this perfervid e-mail arguing for the inclusion of this film in “ found footage ” :

You might be thinking , “ But Dan , the story of Hercules is mythlogy , phantasy . How does this go into the scientific discipline fiction focus of io9 ? ” I have six Book for you : Robot Centaurs with Laser - Shooting Bows . That ’s right , robot centaurs with frickin ’ laser bows . In fact , there ’s a weird sci - fi theme throughout the intact movie which is never really explained , just show to the audience as if Hera had an army of mytho - mecha creature at her control to send after Zeus ’ illegitimate nestling .

The biggest job with featuring Hercules in a Found Footage post is deciding what scene to show as grounds of its so - bad - it’s - goodness - cape . First of all , it has Lou Ferrigno playing Hercules . That alone spread out up a world of possibilities . But then you have the weird conflict with giant mecha - humblebee and the said optical maser - stem automaton Centaur . But if I had to recommend one item , it would be where Hercules and “ the witch ” Circe last reach their goal , a rhinestone encrusted chariot , only to realize they have forgotten to bring anything that could draw in that chariot to the next planet . No , you understand that right : the next planet . So Hercules has a maven musical theme . He has Circe conjure a longsighted length of rope that he ties to the chariot . Then he uses his Hulk - potency to pull a giant stone block from the wall , to which he bond the other end of the rope . He loads Circe in the chariot , swing the elephantine bowlder about his pass and flings it out into the Nox sky . As the rope speedily uncoil , pull by the piece of wall he just threw like it was an Olympian event , he hops in the chariot and waits for the momentum of the bowlder to uncoil the rope completely and jerk them into space . Yep , when you ’re tally robot ’s to Grecian mythology , you do n’t have to make any pretence at following the laws of physics , or even the laws that govern the limits of WTF - dom . And thus follow several tedious shots of Hercules and Circe zooming through the galaxy tow by a big tilt .

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It ’s simply too good / bad to be true .

Of course , that hint completely ignore all the potential of designate off the costumes , which are by far the most entertaining part . One goddess wears a giant frill or cloth fan or something on the front of her bodice , nearly obscuring her face . The next has a nearly monovular devotee sewn on the back of her dress as if the costume department made a backup costume for goddess A and had to quickly convert it to a costume for goddess B by put it on backwards . And then there ’s the lady who seems to be wear a dim-witted one - piece swim suit bought at Walmart ( or wherever they shop in the early 80s ) , and , to make it look antic , the only thing the costume department could follow up with was tailor a prospicient flow cascade of blue cloth onto her crotch . Nowhere else on the swimming suit , just a elephantine fork - waterfall of fabric . But I stray . I exit the choice of what cartridge holder to show in your capable hands .

Also , Hercules fights a bear :

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