Do n’t you hate it when you ’re trying to go about your day and a psychic vampire beginning feeding off your life story force ? Well , concern no more , Goop has the product for you . For just $ 30 you could now corrupt aPsychic Vampire Repellentmade by Paper Crane Apothecary .
“ A spray - able elixir we can all get behind , this protective mist uses a combination of stone healing and deeply aromatic therapeutical petroleum , reported to ban bad vibes ( and shield you from the people who may be make them ) . Fans spray generously around their head to safeguard their auras , ” says the detailed description of the product on the land site .
Now frankly , as an Italian , I think I knew all about fight back vampires . We are never too far from garlic , a mirror , or a rood . I always adopt that the copious sum of garlic in my kitchen would protect me against the terror of vampires and it ’s only now I ’m discovering that the arcanum is to spray myself in a mist of “ sonically tune precious stone elixir ” ( their words not mine ) .
If you think my irony is a little unfair , allow me name some of the more strange constituent in this intermixture . There ’s aqua aura , sound waves , and even reiki , the massage technique devoted to people " lay mitt " on you , which is in all likelihood gracious and stress - busting , but it does not bring around you of ills and diseases , as it dubiously claims . first , I ’m not certain how reiki can be listed as an ingredient , and secondly , I sometimes manage to spill tea from the teapot , so I in truth admire multitude who can bottle an entire phone wafture .
plain , most will cognize Goop for selling a slut egg that can be inserted into the vagina for some incomprehensible and thoroughly medically debunked " benefit " , but it also pitch such items asspacesuit stickersthat can “ rebalance the vitality oftenness in our dead body ” . As a physicist , that was a painful sentence to type . For NASA , it warranted a statement refuting it .
Goop CEO Gwyneth Paltrow has previouslygone after criticswho have orient out all the harmful and non - harmful meaninglessness that the site peddles . However , recently , an advertising watchdog even filedan official complaintagainst Goop for the all uncorroborated and deceptive claims about their products .
So , if you are feel an infestation of psychic vampires ( or desire to ward off vampires psychically , we ’re still not sure how this works ) , do let us know because we are thinking of launch a line of transparency hats . apparently , they ’ll be Italian couture .
