Shawn Johnson Eastis explaining why she always feels a “little somber” on Oct. 19.
The former gymnast, 30, shared an emotional post onInstagramWednesday, reflecting on themiscarriage she suffered in 2017, two years before she and husbandAndrew Eastwelcomed their first child, daughterDrew Hazel, who turns 3 later this month.
“I always wake up a little sad and a little somber on 10/19 but God works in such beautiful ways,” she continued. “I’ll meet you in heaven some day sweet angel.”
Shawn Johnson/Instagram
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Johnson East, who is also mom to 14-month-old sonJett Jameswith her husband, first revealed she suffered a miscarriage in 2017 in anemotional YouTube video that October. The couple then announced they wereexpecting againin April 2019.
On an episode of PEOPLE’s podcastMe Becoming Momlast October, Johnson East spoke candidly about the moment she miscarried and the guilt she felt that she may have done something to cause the loss.
“I had struggled so long with eating disorders, I had taken excessive amounts of Adderall and I had taken weight loss pills,” said Johnson East. “I had abused my body for so long that my worst fear going through all of that back then was am I going to do permanent damage to my body? And I didn’t have a period for years and I had truly done harm.”
“And my first reaction when we miscarried and [the doctor] saying, ‘It’s nothing that you did,’ was ‘But it probably is,’ " she recalled thinking to herself. “Oh my gosh, if I could go back to that doctor’s office, I was trying so hard to keep it together but I was breaking inside because in my mind, just has a mom, you have all of these guilts and these fears.”
“I was like, is my body not made to have children?” she told host Zoë Ruderman. “Did I abuse it so much that it can’t carry a child? Is this God’s way of telling me I’m not meant to be a mom?”
source: people.com
